I just returned from being in
the Garden of Eden (Big Sur, CA).
And yes, they had to throw me out,
once again.
While I was away, you’d gone down
to Miami with your grandmother in the hopes that you would get to see the birth
of your first baby girl cousin.
The only glitch is that this
baby has decided that she’s perfectly happy to stay inside of your aunt/my
sister’s belly.
It feels like only yesterday
that I was awaiting my sister’s arrival from my mom’s belly. The excitement of
that night! I had had my little yellow, red, and blue Sesame Street suitcase
packed for weeks.
I worried about some things,
like whether this baby would like me. What she would look like. And if she had
the capacity to be the student I needed her to be in my already-planned endless
games of teacher/school that I had mapped out.
I had the chalkboard ready. (Poor
girl)
And I had decided that no one,
except for me, could ever touch her head.
(This led to much heartache.)
And here we are, 30 or so years
later, waiting for my little sister’s little girl (L) to be born.
Your job, down in Miami , was to
entertain L’s two year-old brother, M, whom you adore. And apparently you guys
had been having a lot of fun. Perhaps too much fun. As you woke up your 41-week-pregnant
aunt one too many early mornings.
It’s not just that you woke her
up, it’s that you were both screaming/singing Shabbat Shalom.
Last night, our first night back
together, you cuddled up to me and squeezed me tightly into you.
Mommy, do you know why I squeeze
you so tight?
Why, love?
I’m trying to get back inside of
you.
And once again, you took my
breath away.
Later, after you were in your
bed and I could think about what you said, I realized that actually, in life, we
are all trying to get back inside that state of pure rest and peace that we had
inside of our mother’s bellies. Sometimes we get it by lying bare-skinned on
the warm sand as the ocean flows over us, and sometimes it’s through chocolate, and sometimes it's in the embrace of the ones we love.
But really, it seems that this
is what we are always trying to find-- in one way or another.
We all do.
And you and M were on to
something with your early morning singing of Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat means: the day to cease
work, the seventh day. Put simply it is that we should take some time to be and
not do.
And Shalom means peace. Shalom as a verb is to make whole, the
noun is to be in a state of wholeness.
That’s what we feel in our mother’s womb, a state of pure wholeness, of peace, of being.
And this is what
we spend our whole lives seeking.
It’s no wonder baby L wants to
stay in!
Despite the fact that we are all ready for her to get here.
But we have to remember that
there is no forcing the divine timing of life.
We may not understand why things
happen or don’t the way they do.
And sometimes we have really
great plans that don’t work out.
But we have to believe that there is a natural harmony to the timing.
In any case, Sofs, let’s whisper to L, about how wonderful it is out here. Let’s tell her about the wildflowers and baby penguins. Let’s tell her of the rivers that flow off of rocks and rumble into the deep grey ocean. About the people that sing and make music, and about the beautiful ring of authentic laughter.
Let’s tell her about the warmth
of the sun and the shine of the moon.
Let’s whisper to her, “L, you will always be loved and held in this state of peace.”
And let’s remind her, that whenever she wants, she can return to that place.
By being silent and going
inside herself she’ll find an everlasting Shabbat Shalom.
As
we all can.
Love,
Ma
p.s. This is the true Garden of
Eden
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