Love what you love

Dear Sofia,

Yesterday, you told me that you wish, really really wish, that there was a parent store.

"Imagine a place," you said, "Where they had all the parents in the world hanging on the walls and that a child could pick the parent that she wanted."

Of course my initial thought was, "What? Am I not the parent you would pick? What's wrong with me? Why do you want another parent?" and then the perfectionist/desperate side of me chimed in, "Okay, I'll change, what do you want, pancakes for dinner, done. Lollipops for breakfast, your wish is my command. Please pick me from the store, please, please."

But I tried to stay present and I took a deep breath and as gently as my ego allowed me to muster, I said, "What type of mommy would you pick?"

"Well," you said, "The most beautiful mommy in the world."

At this point my ego is having a heart attack, I'm thinking but not saying, "What? Am I ugly, you know many people think I'm attractive. In fact, there are plenty of other six year old kids who think I'm kind of pretty, if you must know, and would pick me from a parent store."

But again (thankfully)I paused before saying:

"Okaaaay. What would this super (sarcasm was not contained) beautiful mommy look like."

"Kind of like you --but her skin wouldn't be quite as tan."

Thanks, kid.

"Maybe I would pick daddy"

Of course you would.

"Well, I'd pick him if there were no other men that looked exactly like him but had blue eyes instead of his black eyes."

Aha! he's not perfect either! At least the two of us can live together having been jointly rejected by our one and only daughter for some pale ass, freaky blue-eyed parent people*. *(I love all skin and eye colors)

And then this great mature me that comes out every so often showed up and said:
"You know, Sofs, the cool thing is that you do, in a way, get to pick your parents. You take the good things that we, your parents by blood and birth and HARD (yes, there was a slight emphasis) work, give you-- and then you reach out to other people who have exactly what it is that you want.
And through these authors and teachers and friends and family,  you find your "parent collective" a mish mash of all the mentors that you need to reach everything you're seeking in life. I have found many mentors that have guided me to be the person that I am. What I'm trying to say is that, this beauty that you seek, it is not about the color of the skin, or of the color of the eyes, but this "beauty" that you are seeking is about what you love, what you are attracted to, what you are interested in. And these things are worth noting. Because, one of the most challenging but greatest practices in life is simply to love what you love and to know what it is."

Okay maybe I didn't say exactly like that... but it was close. 

I did say that you have the absolute right and sovereignty to love what you love.

And, I'm adding now, after the fact, you should not let anyone sway you differently, even if loving that thing, means that you are going against everything that it is that your parents stand for, or in this case look like.
You love fair skin and blue eyes and the aqua Hawaiian dress. Then love it.
You love pet mice. Sponge Bob. Consumerism. Lamb meat.  Have at it.

And when you get older, piece together these things that you deeply, truly love, and find the teachers who'll guide you towards your vision of beauty.

Having said all of this, my sweet child, the bottom line is, you did pick us from the parent store.

And I'm very glad you did.

loving you in extra strong sunblock,

your mom

p.s. you learned to ride your bike this week, no training wheels!

Comments

[lacoste shoes 2010]

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[Jordans 4]

Did you fond that we know all the circumstances that have occasioned them and so manage to excuse in ourselves what we cannot excuse in others.